Saturday, January 17, 2009

AYCE Investigates

By now you've probably seen the video of rap "artist" Yung Berg getting arrested in South Beach.  But we here at AYCE weren't satisfied with what we saw; we knew there was something missing from this depiction of that fateful night.  Being the investigative reporters we are, we made some calls, broke some pinkies, and found exactly what we were looking for.  Below are the transcriptions from the clips that hit the cutting-room floor.  We've provided the timecodes so that you can follow along and see what was missing. 

A warning to our readers: It ain't pretty! 

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0:18 - "OWEE, OWee, owee....(slow, deep inhale through clenched teeth)... oweeeeeee."

0:38 - "But Imma artisit!  You know (starts snapping) "Sexy can I?..." No?  I get that a lot.  Whut about dis: "Canneye giya dat bidness shorty..."  No?  Yeah, you might not reconize it witout tha auto-tune.  Serious dough, Imma artist!"

0:55 - "Alright look, I ain't really an artist, OR a tourist.  Here's the truf.  What had happened was, I'm actually here on a secret mission.  My name is Daniel Witwicky and I'm helping the Autobots search for Megatron and the Decepticons.  We got word that Megatron is actually undercover here in Miami, going by the name Trick Trick.  Him and the other Decepticons, dey stole my muhfuckin' chain... I mean amulet, yeah...amulet.  Without it the world is doomed officer!  You ain't a Decepticon are you?  Better hope not, 'cause Optimus will whoop yo ass when he gets here!"

1:05 - "Admit it sir, that girl on the back was hot right?  I mean, I was just goin' to go around the corner wit her, getta little sumpin'-sumpin', know whut I'm sayin'?  Den dat damn ninja-bike we was ridin' got outta control on me... I mean, I shouldn't habeen ridin' such a big bike... I mean, I only weigh like 98 pounds, and that's WITH this weed I got right-here in my pocket..."

1:26 - "It's just weed awsifer.  You ever suck dick for some marijuana??  I didn't think so."

1:41 - Berg's Manager, "Justin" - "Look girl, how bout we talk this out over dinner.  You look hungry!  Red Lobster? My treat!"

1:51 - Berg's Manager, "Justin" - "Don't make me go kanYe on yo ass!  Hey, is that a Krispy Kreme over there???" (takes off with weed, jewelry, and cop's glucose monitor)

2:01 - Officer in pursuit - "(Panting heavily) Damn... that... guy... is.... that-guy-is.... FAST!"

2:26 - (editor's note: date of birth???  Aaaahahahahaha!!!!!)

2:35 - "Wherever it is, can we stop and get some food?  I need sumpin to soak up all this alcohol I done drank."

2:54 - "Artists don't want problems man!  And all that shit I said about the Autobots and shit, I was jus playin' man.  Serious, you DO NOT want to get involved in that shit!  Hey, by the way, you know where I can find some light-skinned booty?  I don't play that dark-ass shit!  I'm an artist yo."

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There you have it.  The true record of what really went down that night in Miami.  Wherever there is injustice, whenever we feel you don't get the full story, you can count on the AYCE Investigators to keep it real!

MeFatHead_v3

2 comments:

Benny B said...

BWAAAAHAAA...HHEEEE...HEEEE...*insert Revenge of the Nerds laugh here*...snort.... That right there was some funny shit...sides...hurt.... Catch, you a fool for that one. Daymn....

cephas said...

but ima artis serr! damn i need to be a artis so i can act a fool and get away with it.... oh wait i guess he didn't.